Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
