"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
