feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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