Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
