Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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