someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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