There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
