And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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