totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
