He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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