This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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