i jhust puked up my retainher.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
