I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
