I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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