So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
