is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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