just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
