I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize