She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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