My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
