Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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