So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I want is dick and wine.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
