somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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