my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
