Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
