i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
