Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
