I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
