I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
