I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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