is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
