LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
