tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
