I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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