Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
