you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
