hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize