my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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