It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
