i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she smelled like a LAN party
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize