...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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