my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize