Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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