pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
