If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
