you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
