Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
