I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
