I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
