I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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