I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
