Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Never let your siblings swipe right.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
