i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
