Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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