I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
