i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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