I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
