I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
