i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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