When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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