i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
