No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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