i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
