I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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